Home away from Home

Well, I spend so much time at work that I guess I better devote a post to it. I work in the Pediatric ICU at Johns Hopkins Hospital. It is definitely an intense and stressful place, so when I am there it almost consumes me for those 12 hours. It is not uncommon for me to hear monitors alarming in my sleep or have dreams of giving chest compressions. I take care of sick kids... really, really sick kids, and sometimes it is hard for me because I come home so emotionally and physically drained, but I can't really share the experiences I have there with anyone outside of work.



The other day, coming home from a night shift I had my first real cry when thinking about a patient. It is days like that when I come home thinking, did I really even make a difference for that kid last night? But I was brought back to my happy place when I went in the next night and walked over to my patient's bedside. Sedated and attached to her ventilator, there isn't much she can do, but she opened her eyes, saw me there, and gave me a little smile around her endotracheal tube. That made it all worth it.





It is hard for me sometimes to know that I can't fix, or save every patient that I have, but it is little moments like that, that help me to remember that just being there for these children at this time for them makes all the difference. I love being a nurse.



On that note, I better get to sleep to prepare for my night shift tonight!


ps-- that picture is not of me, but you get the idea.